Thursday, June 11, 2009

Have I Got Speakers for You

The news that Ann Widdecombe has put her name forward as Speaker for the House of Commons is confusing me. I keep visualising Parliament crammed into the Have I Got News For You Studio, with Widdecombe presiding.

The candidates list is currently:

Ann Widdecombe (Con),
Margaret Beckett (Lab),
Sir Alan Beith (Lib)
John Bercow (Con)
Sir Patrick Cormack (Con)
Parmjit Dhanda (Lab)
Frank Field (Lab)
Sir Alan Haselhurst (Con)
Sir Michael Lord (Con)
Richard Shepherd (Con)
Sir George Young (Con)

Which reads like a very dull version of the guest presenter rota on HIGNFY. So how about:

- Guest Speaker: a rota of folk to preside over Parliament, drawn from wider society. Jeremy Paxman, Brian Blessed, Trisha Goddard, Boris, the Big Brother voice, there are plenty of candidates.

- Wheel of Cuts. Write 'NHS' in the middle of a large wheel, and percentages from 1 to 20 round the edge. Spin it to decide on budget levels for future years. Repeat for other departments.

- Odd one Out: find pictures of the 4 most objectionable world leaders, and decide which one you like least/is least able to defend themselves. Then invade their country.

- 'In the News This Week' David Cameron and Gordon Brown discover who's resigned/been caught fiddling expenses.

- 'Missing Words Round' Party spokespeople are asked to complete the sentence "We will ____ tax by ____% following the General Election"

the possibilities are endless. And then because Parliament will only take up 30m on a Friday night, that'll leave those hard working MP's with plenty of time to tackle all the other issues.


  1. Ha ha! Love the idea of having a guest speaker! Boris would probably do an entertaining job there too!

  2. great plan but it's going to real spoil my Friday night beer & curry!

  3. I love the idea of Speaker Brian Blessed.

    Furthermore a Speaker from outside would end the anachronism of the Speaker's constituency being to all intents and purposes left out of the General election and with nobody to hassle over policy in the Parliament that follows.

  4. It would also save all that wasted time in Parliamentary debates where people drone on at great length to an empty chamber, to no effect.

  5. Surely after deciding who was the most objectionable leader, we'd award them an honorary knighthood? That's always the way it worked in the past.