Thursday, December 18, 2014

12 Reasons Santa must live in a country estate, not a council estate

A few days ago, a high street store pulled a Christmas card stating why Santa must live on a council estate. The card was deemed to be offensive, so much so that every media report on the card had to reprint the whole thing in full just to show how offensive it was.

Of course the true reasons was never revealed: that the card is simply wrong. It's clear that Santa Claus is a member of the landed aristocracy:
  1. He has his own deer
  2. He only visits ordinary houses once a year, but doesn't like to be seen doing so.
  3. He doesn’t know how to open the front door for himself
  4. Whenever he enters a house, he has a drink
  5. He dresses in velvet
  6. He’s easy to mimic
  7. He drives an open-topped vintage vehicle
  8. He lets someone else do all the hard work, but he's still the one with the title
  9. He talks in an English accent but is ethnically from mainland Europe
  10. He has lots of stuff but is only generous once a year, and only then in response to a mass letter writing campaign. 
  11. He wears boots all the time
  12. His dress sense hasn't changed much since the 1950s

I hope that's cleared that up.

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