Do the Conservatives know what the House of Commons is actually for?

This is ridiculous:

A Tory government will introduce a law guaranteeing no rise in income tax rates, VAT or national insurance before 2020, David Cameron is to announce.

The Conservative leader will pledge legislation within 100 days of assuming office to ensure rates do not rise in the next Parliament.

The law is not a plaything, what exactly is the point of this idea? Just make a promise and keep to it, how hard can that be? Oh yes, 'no top down reorganisation of the NHS', immigration, I see your point. I could just about see the point of the fixed term parliaments act, and we've bee spared 18 months of wittering about when the election is going to be. But simply passing a law which says that you will do what you've said you'll do is both a betrayal of the purposes of law, and a very revealing act in itself. It's an admission that, whatever politicians say, we can't trust them. 

Two questions

1. Will David Cameron be arrested and tried if the Conservatives do raise income tax, VAT or NI? And I'm assuming that not raising thresholds at least in line with inflation counts as a tax rise. 

2. How do we know they will keep this promise? The promise itself is only made because we know that politicians don't keep their promises, but it's subject to the same trust deficit. As far as I know, the LibDems are the only party in recent political history to have made a promise, broken it, and then admitted that they broke it and apologised. 

Could we pass a law making political gimmicks illegal? David Cameron seems to think that just about anything can be turned into a short-term electoral asset: the unity of the UK, the legislative system, fear. Stop for a minute and think, please.

In the meantime, if you want to pass a popular law, how about one forcing Conservatives to turn up to election debates ?

This is what Feminism looks like

After centuries of struggle, lives lost, reputations put on the line, battle after battle for womens rights and equality, female empowerment has reached its natural peak today. Hearing primary school aged children singing a song they picked up in the school playground 'Oh my gosh, look at her butt'

Emmeline Pankhurst, Anthea Dworkin, Sojourner Truth, Germaine Greer, Millicent Fawcett, are you watching Simone de Beauvoir? Your girls took one hell of a beating.

Sadly it was from themselves.

Maybe I'm just an over-protective parent, but my daughter isn't going to find any decent role models in a pop culture dominated by women singing about their bottoms, waving them around, or both. And my son isn't going to learn anything about how to respect and value women as equals. Is it just me?

Badvent Calendar

Ship of Fools has been running a competition to find the Advent calendar with least to do with the actual Christmas story (that'll be 99% of them), and most likely to make the baby Jesus cry.

The winners have been announced, and you can find them here, if you can stand the combination of Barbie and Ann Summers. (Thankfully not one and the same).

Alternatively, get a Real Advent Calendar, which has fairtrade chocolate and an actual attempt to tell the Christmas story. Or if you live near Hove, pop down to the Beach Hut Advent Calendar for an alternative live version.

What annoys us doesn't annoy Jesus, and what annoys Jesus doesn't annoy us.

From a recent survey:

Modern life is a daily struggle. Here, according to a poll of 2,000 Britons for Nurofen Express, are the top 50 most annoying things about it.

1. Your laptop/computer freezing
2. PPI calls
3. Slow Wi-Fi
4. Being stuck in traffic
5. People who take up two parking spaces
6. Public transport delays
7. Junk mail
8. Waiting on the phone for the doctors

I think we'll stop there because I've already cried myself completely out. Waiting on the phone for the doctor? Well, it's a close call compared to dying of Ebola because there isn't a doctor for miles, and no decent road to carry any traffic to the nearest hospital (read adapted shed). It's simply tragic.

Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its mould, says Romans 12. If these are the things which really wind us up (I'm talking to Christians here, sorry if you're not one, please bear with me) then we have genuinely lost the plot. Clue: what is Jesus most annoyed about? Probably nothing that's in our top 50.

What annoys us doesn't annoy Jesus, and what annoys Jesus doesn't annoy us. And it should.

How To Lose Friends and Annoy People

How on earth is this 'outreach'? A billboard addressed to 'all of our atheist friends' (I guessing that totals zero, which makes it a billboard addressed to nobody), telling them they're wrong and directing them to a creationist website. 

This is only 'reaching out to atheists' in order to slap them round the head with a King James Bible. 

Ken Ham, president of AiG and the Creation Museum stated: "In a friendly way, we want to reach out to people in secularized parts of the country and share the hope we have in Christ.

This is 'friendly'? The article says that the billboards have gone up to 'engage' atheists and secularists. I think there's a typo there, it's 'r' not 'g'. It certainly annoys me. 

Its enough to make you Scream

The £74m spent on Edvard Munch's the Scream could have helped 1.3m people in the East African famine. But it didn't, it was spent on a painting, and everybody clapped. I've yet to see anything in the news coverage or comment that's questioned  a value system which thinks this is ok. I don't think God is clapping.

Eventually, moth and rust will destroy this picture, and one can only hope this becomes a moment we look back on with shame.

A Seasonal Missage from the UK Border Agency

This is the kind of thing which makes satirists quit.

Phil Ritchie says it so much better than I can. Original source Ekklesia.

Next year's card will be a picture of a CCTV camera with the message 'Mary and Joseph, we know where you are', signed by Mr Herod at the deparment for community cohesion, with a 100 page insert detailing in complicated English how to work out your points score.

Talking of the Borders Agency, you can see video footage of St. Nicholas being turned away from the Yarls Wood detention centre, it sounds like they tried beforehand to arrange it but 'oh yes, what a great idea to brighten things up for the children' wasn't the response recieved back.

EA Games: We Can Do Better than God

Update: turns out that EA even faked a Christian protest to raise the profile of this story.

Nick Baines notes a story on EA Games, who surveyed 1000 11-16's to see what they knew of the Ten Commandments. Unsurprisingly, many couldn't name any of them.

Guess what, it's a publicity stunt to publicise Sims 3, their latest release. They're inviting gamers to re-write the 10 commandments, to see if they can improve on the originals.

And of course, it's being misreported. The survey found that those interviewed thought that most of the commandments were still relevant

Still relevant, in descending order, were: 1. Do not kill. 2. Do not steal. 3. Do not cheat on your partner with another person. 4. Do not envy others. 5. Respect your parents. 6. Do not accuse a person of something they did not do.

Pretty good for something over 3000 years old. But please don't sip your coffee before the next bit:

Found to be irrelevant to today’s British society were: Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy; Thou shalt have no other gods before me; Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image; Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

OF COURSE THEY THINK ITS BLEEPING IRRELEVANT IF YOU QUOTE IT FROM A 400 YEAR OLD TRANSLATION!

Electronic Arts suggests four replacements for the commandments deemed irrelevant, based again on results from the survey asking what respondents would do if they could “play God”: 7. Respect all people regardless of race, religion or sexuality. 8. Do not commit acts of terrorism. 9. Respect and protect the planet. 10. Do not be motivated by greed.

I'm stunned on several levels:
- That a games company somehow thinks it can do better than God.
- That the manufacturers of 'Left 4 Dead', 'Rise of the Witch King', and 'Dead Space', to name but a few, feel they're in a position to give moral guidance to anyone.
- Have another look at those new commandments. No.7 is summed up by the 6 'relevant' commands. No 8 is 'do not kill', and no 10 is 'do not covet'. That just leaves one 'new' command, which itself is a logical consequence of loving God and loving our neighbour.

And of course, EA games wouldn't want people resting on the Sabbath, they might find better things to do than buy their products, or use a plastic box to shoot aliens. Neither would they want people putting other things above God, just in case they found this whole exercise tacky, offensive and insulting.

My small collection of EA products is now going in the bin.

useful summary article here, debate here. I'll leave it to someone else to work out how many of the Ten Commandments would actually work as a Tweet, but I suspect it's nearly all of them.

Vogon Hymnody

As every reader of The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy knows, the Vogons write the third worst poetry in the universe. Well, there's competition, initiated by the Anglican Communion gathering in Jamaica, for the most uninspired verse of doggerel every penned by human hand.

Andrew Brown quotes the opening stanza of the offending item, as sung in Jamaica last week to the tune of 'Ode to Joy' (which I must admit I can't remember off the top of my head):

Lord of our diversity,

unite us all, we pray;

welcome us to fellowship

in your inclusive way.

and it gets even worse

Sanctify our listening

and help us get the sense

of perplexing arguments

before we take offence

It's enough to make me want to puree my own internal organs and imbibe them through a straw. Anyone who uses the word 'inclusive' in a hymn deserves to be locked inside an organ for 2 weeks whilst a family of hippos dances on the keyboard. Several of Andrew Browns commenters have attempted to surpass even this, my favourite is freewoolly's, though it's a bit rude to reproduce here.

On a related topic, Nick Baines posts about 'girly worship'

According to an online survey of 400 UK readers of the men’s magazine Sorted, the majority of blokes who responded said they ‘enjoyed singing – but added comments showing they preferred anthemic songs and ‘proclamational’ hymns as opposed to more emotional love songs.’ They also dislike flowers, embroidered banners, hugging, holding hands, dancing and ’sitting in circles discussing their feelings in church’. Oh dear.

The whole piece is worth reading, together with a very good follow up post on what worship is, and what part songs play in it. Interesting that the original report is penned anonymously by a 'daily mail reporter', and that in the comments women have the same complaints as the men.

I did pick up a copy of 'Sorted' at Spring Harvest, but can't find it, so I can't tell you whether the magazine is any good. It certainly looked ok from the cover (apart from the title, which seems a bit 20th century...?). End of useless magazine review.

"The fools on the bus go round and round..."

The Trinitarian Bible society are putting 100 bus ads on saying "The fool hath said in his heart 'there is no God'."

I have a question:

WHY ARE YOU USING THE AUTHORISED VERSION?

Nothing like doing the atheists work for them: what will this ad communicate?
- that Christians hold non-believers in contempt
- that we speak funny.

Please lets have more snow to keep these off the roads, say for a week from Feb 9th (and see Peter Kirk for links to other people's efforts on the DIY agnostibus. This one is particularly good).

Simon Barrow talks sense: "Many people will feel this has little to do with anything Christianly or humanly edifying. One has to wonder whether the purveyors of pro- and anti-God slogans really think they will persuade people? It feels more like a war of position between groups who cannot resist 'having a go back'."

Sadly predictable no.2: Mark and Phil Brewer have failed to get their paperwork in to the courts, resulting in a delay in the employee tribunals for former SPCK workers (ht Phil Groom). Hearings will now take place in May, to 'decide who the employer was at the time' (!!) This follows on from them

- failing to get their accounts in to the Charities Commission on time

- failing to get their paperwork in to Companies House

- failing to provide proper paperwork for a bankruptcy suit filed by themselves in the US

is there a pattern here?


Sadly predictable no.3:
we can't cope with the snow:

'Graham Kendrick Wrecked Britain' Claims 'Journalist'

Thanks to Dave Walker for the link to this brilliant spoof article by Quentin Letts of the Daily Newspaper-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. This, lets remember, is the only bible-believing newspaper left in the land.

Sorry, let me just wipe that off the keyboard.

The article is about the 50 people who ruined Britain, juxtaposed with a picture of a naked Britney Spears, an actress's malfunctioning cleavage, and an advert for gambling. I'd better read the Bible again, it's racier than I thought. Anyway. Languising at 39 on the list is none other than Graham Kendrick:

Kendrick, who has a personal website complete with an efficient shopping section (as opposed to the Mail, which has a horoscope section), is the nation's pre-eminent churner-outer of evangelical bilge. Imagine Pam Ayres without the humour.
He started writing hymns in the late Sixties and has now written 400 of the ruddy things. Should it not be a strength of Anglican worship that it does not move with the times and instead provides continuity at a time of baffling change?

But no. It's out with the harmonium! In with the electric guitar! Out with the hymns sung by our forebears, such as He Who Would Valiant Be and Hills Of The North. In with the roughagerich Bind Us Together or the negro spiritual cum grammatical solecism It's A Me, O' Lord.

The sturdy hymns of England, musical embodiment of the stoicism, resolve and undemonstrative solidarity of our nation, are in severe peril.... etc. etc.

yes, well, neither of the examples above were written by Kendrick, and I've not been in a church for 20 years that's sung 'Bind us Together'. Clearly Letts hasn't either, judging by the amount of vitriol he's happy to heap on other people. He should try it sometime. And of course the organ is an innovation in terms of church music, being a scandalous novelty in the early 1800's. If Anglican worship hadn't moved with the times it would still be in Latin, possibly even using words like 'roughagerich', so that instead of singing meaningful hymns we'd still be burbling away in a language nobody understood.

So it must be a spoof, right? If you'd rather discuss it as a serious argument, then go here.

Update: and an excellent post here, which says what I'd like to say but much better.

Noel Edmonds: Criminal Mastermind

Having made his name at the BBC, TV presenter Noel Edmonds is now refusing to pay his license fee, because he doesn't like the threatening tone of the adverts which encourage folk to pay. Ah well, that's grabbed the headlines anyway, just as Edmonds is launching a new series on Sky. Is he not paying his Sky subscription either, because they've outbid terrestrial suppliers on key sports for years, denying many of us the TV we used to get on the (much cheaper) license fee? Possibly not. Okay then, do it as a gesture of solidarity with the Chinese against book-banning, Dalai-dissing Rupert Murdoch. You've bitten one feeding hand, why not go for a complete set?

Edmonds says: "We have a society where we blame someone else when something goes wrong", and he's also quoted as saying "The politicians - and I'm talking about Gordon Brown - have had their day," he said. "They've had their chance to do it and look at the mess we're now in." So that would be blaming someone else (politicians) for when somethings gone wrong. Excuse me whilst I sink my teeth into a solid object and emit a muted cry of anguish. With logic like that, there's no end to the criminal actions you could justify.

Telegraph: God Has No Influence on the Anglican Church

The Sunday Telegraph has published its list of the 50 most influential figures in the Anglican church. It's called the Lambeth Power List, so you can tell how much a Christian understanding of leadership and influence is at work here. None whatsoever. It's therefore a shame that some Christian commentators have been part of putting this together.

The top 10 have all been in the media on a regular basis, and most of the top 50 are bishops, academics, or people with high positions in the Anglican hierarchy. I bet Rowan Williams wishes he really was the most influential figure in the CofE, some days it probably doesn't feel like it. The only out and out missionary of the lot is Nicky Gumbel.

Neither the Father, the Son or the Holy Spirit make it into the top 50. If there are 50 humans more influential on the CofE than God, then God help us. Thankfully this is just another one of those silly lists that people like to read and argue over. I'm tempted to argue about it myself, but that just gives it credibility. Get behind me Satan, you do not have in mind the thoughts of God, but of men.

Please Tell Me This Isn't True

From Evangelism UK

Gospel sent by blue-tooth?
A device that can send Bible text and Gospel messages to anyone within 100 yards, won an award at the Christian Resources Exhibition recently. The Gabriel Communicator, said the Church Times on Friday, can 'send evangelistic text messages to unsuspecting passers-by'. Good source of information is the original CRE notification:

http://www.creonline.co.uk/news/1078.htm

No, no, no, NO, NO!!!! This is the worst idea in Christendom. Has anyone thought how the 'unsuspecting passers by' are going to feel about getting 'evangelistic text messages'? Are they going to get down on their knees in the street, or just decide that Christians are annoying interfering prats who bombard you with stuff you've not asked for. This is a rubbish invention, and if you use one anywhere near me then I will personally baptise it for you.

What would Jesus do? Not this.