It's emerging that several members of the Cabinet were hoping to be named as the new Doctor Who, and are disappointed that the role has gone to a fictional spin doctor. Various names, and the reasons they were turned down, are emerging:
Teresa May: was planning to repaint the TARDIS with the UK Border Agency logo and travel the universe with the message 'Aliens Go Home'
Michael Gove: new outfit closely resembles that of a grammar school headmaster, and showed a strange reluctance to travel forward in time past 1975, a bit like his education policy
Ed Milliband: hopeless, can't distinguish between UNIT and UNITE, unable to speak to any of the UNIT personnel without saying 'no, I don't want your money, now quickly go away we mustn't be seen together'.
Nick Clegg: spends the last 5 minutes of each episode trying to explain why he'd do things differently whilst everyone else is saving the universe.
Eric Pickles: planned to travel the universe taking away whatever financial resources the local leadership has, and then leaving them to sort their own problems out.
David Cameron: only turned up for 1 in 3 episodes, leaving Clegg and William Hague to do most of the fighting for him. Catchphrase 'must work hard and get on' not really zippy enough.
William Hague: has been cast as a Sontaran
Attempts to cast a real doctor were scuppered by the fact that none of them were available at weekends.
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