Vogon Hymnody

As every reader of The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy knows, the Vogons write the third worst poetry in the universe. Well, there's competition, initiated by the Anglican Communion gathering in Jamaica, for the most uninspired verse of doggerel every penned by human hand.

Andrew Brown quotes the opening stanza of the offending item, as sung in Jamaica last week to the tune of 'Ode to Joy' (which I must admit I can't remember off the top of my head):

Lord of our diversity,

unite us all, we pray;

welcome us to fellowship

in your inclusive way.

and it gets even worse

Sanctify our listening

and help us get the sense

of perplexing arguments

before we take offence

It's enough to make me want to puree my own internal organs and imbibe them through a straw. Anyone who uses the word 'inclusive' in a hymn deserves to be locked inside an organ for 2 weeks whilst a family of hippos dances on the keyboard. Several of Andrew Browns commenters have attempted to surpass even this, my favourite is freewoolly's, though it's a bit rude to reproduce here.

On a related topic, Nick Baines posts about 'girly worship'

According to an online survey of 400 UK readers of the men’s magazine Sorted, the majority of blokes who responded said they ‘enjoyed singing – but added comments showing they preferred anthemic songs and ‘proclamational’ hymns as opposed to more emotional love songs.’ They also dislike flowers, embroidered banners, hugging, holding hands, dancing and ’sitting in circles discussing their feelings in church’. Oh dear.

The whole piece is worth reading, together with a very good follow up post on what worship is, and what part songs play in it. Interesting that the original report is penned anonymously by a 'daily mail reporter', and that in the comments women have the same complaints as the men.

I did pick up a copy of 'Sorted' at Spring Harvest, but can't find it, so I can't tell you whether the magazine is any good. It certainly looked ok from the cover (apart from the title, which seems a bit 20th century...?). End of useless magazine review.