Tuesday, August 06, 2013

The Right Honourable Doctor?

It's emerging that several members of the Cabinet were hoping to be named as the new Doctor Who, and are disappointed that the role has gone to a fictional spin doctor. Various names, and the reasons they were turned down, are emerging:

Teresa May: was planning to repaint the TARDIS with the UK Border Agency logo and travel the universe with the message 'Aliens Go Home'

Michael Gove: new outfit closely resembles that of a grammar school headmaster, and showed a strange reluctance to travel forward in time past 1975, a bit like his education policy

Ed Milliband: hopeless, can't distinguish between UNIT and UNITE, unable to speak to any of the UNIT personnel without saying 'no, I don't want your money, now quickly go away we mustn't be seen together'.

Nick Clegg: spends the last 5 minutes of each episode trying to explain why he'd do things differently whilst everyone else is saving the universe.

Eric Pickles: planned to travel the universe taking away whatever financial resources the local leadership has, and then leaving them to sort their own problems out.

David Cameron: only turned up for 1 in 3 episodes, leaving Clegg and William Hague to do most of the fighting for him. Catchphrase 'must work hard and get on' not really zippy enough.

William Hague: has been cast as a Sontaran

Attempts to cast a real doctor were scuppered by the fact that none of them were available at weekends.

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