Health, Wealth and Happiness

 Health: I have prostate cancer. Back in February I had a urine infection, which didn't fully clear up after antibiotics. Cue a PSA (prostate specific antigen test) and an uncomfortable investigation. The PSA reading was over 20 (it should be 0-3.5), and in a follow up test it was still too high. Next stop an MRI scan at the start of May, which showed up some areas the hospital wasn't happy with, so onto a prostate biopsy (next time I'll have the general anaesthetic). The results show I have prostate cancer, but in the lowest of 5 risk groups: the cancer is slow growing (if at all) and localised. 

I'm now on 'active surveillance' - PSA tests every 3 months, MRI every 12, and then something more drastic if things take a turn for the worse. There's been some headlines recently about over-treatment of prostate cancer, that many men are given treatment with serious and long lasting side effects which they don't actually need at the time. 60% of men who have their prostate removed end up with lifelong incontinence and erectile dysfunction. At the tender age of 56, I've gone for 'watch and wait'. In the meantime, my latest PSA test came back at 0.7, which just goes to show that you can still have cancer and a low PSA (either that or there's some answered prayer going on, but I won't know that until an MRI next summer). Either way: men, don't mess around, if somethings wrong downstairs then go and see your GP. 

The news was a shock, but overall I seem to be at peace about it. A month after the diagnosis I had a weeks retreat booked in, and during that I sketched out what would be my life priorities if I had 1, 3 or 10 years to live. It was a life-giving exercise, rather than a macabre one. My life expectancy may be unaffected (Dad is 87 and still going strong), but I have more clarity over what's important, and more motivation to lose weight, stay fit, love my wife and kids and pursue God. So in a weird way its a gift. 

Wealth: A couple of weeks after the diagnosis, I was preaching on the parable of the rich fool. The guy is a hoarder, who plans to build a bigger store for all his stuff. The news of his impending death puts his focus and his decisions into perspective: he's not a success, he's an idiot. The cancer diagnosis sharpens the question of what money is for, what my money is for, or is it even 'my' money or just what I've been trusted with by God? I could max out my remaining time and money working through a bucket list, and I would deserve the same verdict as the rich fool. Or I could use the gifts well. 

Happiness: the Bible verse which has come into focus most of all in the last 3 months is Psalm 37:4 'Delight yourself in the Lord'. There is a lot of joy in the Bible, and in God, and ideally in God's people too. Back in the day I was more interested in the 2nd half of that verse 'and He will give you the desires of your heart'. I've recently discovered that it no longer interests me. Delighting in God is enough, more than enough. Brother Lawrence used to make omelettes 'for the love of God' and then dance in his kitchen, Eric Liddell said 'God made me fast, and when I run I feel His pleasure'. There are a hundred small ways every day to delight in God. At the moment it's a significant triumph if I can register and enjoy 2 or 3 of them in 24 hours, but I've got the rest of this life to practice, however long that is.